breakAss
by WikiGabry
Summary: Marshall is the Lord of Evilness and Everest his "not so evil" pupil. Chase is a depressive whose only source of happiness is chatting with a mysterious girl called S... NONSENSE AND BLACK HUMOR ALERT! (Words in square brackets are narrator speeches)
1. Chapter 1 (part one)

The voice of Marshall, the Greatest Lord of all Evil, echoed in the tower, that was his headquarter:-As usual, you suck at this-said the Dalmatian pup

-Shut up!-exclaimed Alex, his assistant-L.A Galaxy were unbeatable! Everybody had made a bet on their victory...

-Yes, but Los Angeles FC won-pointed out the Lord

-Just a stroke of luck!-affirmed Alex-Everyone has been screwed, also me and you...

-You're wrong, I won a lot of money-Marshall corrected him

-Pff, don't try to tell me that you bet on Los Angeles FC...-laughed Alex

The Dalmatian rolled his eyes:-No shit, I obviously bet on L.A. FC...

Alex was incredulous, and opened his mouth in surprise.

[ Dear little readers, you have to know that when Marshall has to guess the results of soccer matches, he NEVER fails

(I always fail, fuck...) ]

-Let's forget my fantastic predictions-continued Marshall-Have you brought me the "fresh meat"?-

-Yes, cocksucker... ehm... super-evil...-said the assistant

[ Basically our little friend has brought a possible a possible pupil... ]

A young Siberian Husky entered the tower-Ehm, hello...

-Who's this chick?-asked immediately Marshall

-I'm Everest, nice to meet you!-the pup presented-I'm here to learn from you, if I can...

-Hired, hired: pussy is profit...-accepted Marshall-But I won't be soft: I'm the greatest lord of...

He couldn't manage to end his sentence, because Everest gave him a kiss on his cheek-Come on, in my opinion, he's just a sweet boy...

The super evil was literally petrified...

[ Is he paralyzed because of the excitement or the debacle? ]

-The second one, I think...-stuttered Marshall

[ Me gusta!

So we can witness the first lesson of Marshall the super evil... ]

-Come on, do it!-exclaimed the boss

-I can't!-said Everest-It's too cruel!

-Just do it-Marshall encouraged her-Show me your evilness, now!

-This goes against everything I can imagine: I can't!-cried out the Husky

-Are you seriously telling me that you can't...-spelled Marshall, incredibly nervous-STEP OVER A MOTHERFUCKING STUPID FLOWER?!-

-This flower could have a family-lamented Everest-I refuse to make such a gesture!

Marshall couldn't believe it:-Tell me that she's fucking kidding me, please...-

[ No man, she's serious... ]

-FUUUUUUCK!-exploded the Lord-What kind of noob has Alex brought me?!

-Uff, shut up and let me watch "the O.C"-decided Everest-This is the last episode of the third season!

[ The O.C? Third season? Something happens in that episode... ]

At a particular point of the episode, tears became to come to Everest's eyes.

[ Oh yes, Marissa dies... ]

Everest was frozen for some seconds, but then turned to Marshall, with a strange light in her eyes-How could they do that!?-murmured in angry-She was the best character ever, world will pay a tribute for making her die...

-Oh, now we are talking!-exclaimed Marshall

Two seconds later, the light wasn't there anymore, and Everest smiled:-Oh bah, doesn't matter...

-She's not angry anymore?!-asked the Lord, irritated

-Ah ah ah, ops!-laughed the Husky

-Anyway, it will be interesting to see what she can do...-thought Marshall

[ How the lessons would have been? You'll discover it in next chapter! ]


	2. Chapter 1 (part two)

A sweet warmth and nothing more, this was heating up the city at sunset.

But he felt suffocated by that warmth.

Everything that was around him made him tense, nervous. He felt like a foreigner.

Chase never managed to bind to the world.

That dog couldn't bind with nobody. He looked like allergic to friendship.

Even worse, nothing transmitted him emotions. Either the landscape in front of him.

The sun that was hiding himself behind the sea, creating an unique atmosphere: sunset

"Why the fuck am I here?" Chase asked himself, with a face like thunder and his paws leaned on a balustrade.

Why? Why? Why?: so many questions, and no answer.

Chase went back to the metropolis.

His pup tag ringed. A call? No, Chase never received any call.

It was a vocal message, one of many.

It was her. Chase at that moment felt relieved, and a smile appeared on his lips.

A year? No, maybe two.

It was two years since Chase had started to chat with a stranger, that preferred to keep herself anonymous. She wanted to be called "S", and she talked to him with a modified voice.

That happened almost randomly, just like every important event in history.

They had known themselves like this. They talked about everything, from philosophical themes to food.

"S" was the only person in the world that Chase had a "relationship" with.

Probably without her, Chase would had committed suicide because living was boring.

To sum up, from the day that this stranger had entered his life, things were not so bad anymore...


	3. Chapter 2

There was a succession of atypical days.

Nothing new, no turns of events.

It was always like this for him, existed it a future?

The answer was always "no". Tomorrow was permanently equal to today.

The limbo where Chase lived e would have killed everyone, only a turn of events could save him.

But there was no turn. The only water that could quench his dehydrated life was "S".

Someone he had never seen, a stranger that had donated her time to him. A gift from paradise, someone could say.

Every time he chatted with her, his mind was empty from all frustrations.

He felt... alive. She had made him capable of feeling emotions.

Inside him, maybe, Chase loved that stranger.

He had never seen her muzzle, but he loved her. An unconditional love, ruled by instinct.

Chase perfectly knew that he would have reached the top if he had finally met "S".

But she could also be halfway around the world...

[ But, honestly, we don't really give a fuck about this sadness, so let's go back to the tower of the Greatest Lord of All Evil (and to his "not so evil" pupil) ]

"You, little bitch, you hide a great evilness inside you" said Marshall, in front of Everest's confused face "And I swear I'll make you eviler than a politician, or my name is not Marshall"

"Yeah, but can I go to the toilet?" asked Everest, with a smirk

Marshall remained paralyzed for a second, and then he yelled: "What the fuck are you asking!?"

The Husky watched him badly, and he proceeded: "Poop can wait, it's time for second lesson"

"But I have my period" pointed out Everest

Marshall lighted up his eyes: "Go to crapper, nooooooow"

[ I should stop making it embarrassing...

So, let's see lesson number two: evil laughs ]

"Now, sweetheart, just look at the teacher" said the Lord, just a moment before laughing highly and and extremely long time.

"Creepy" commented Everest

"Modestly" smiled Marshall "Come on, that's your turn, let me era the power of your lungs"

"Ehm, ok" exited Everest

[ I have to censor the scene because Everest's laugh is something indecent ]

"Just tell me this shit wasn't Everest's laugh" murmured the super evil

"Ehm, I've never been so good in laughing in a strange way" explained the Husky

"Really? I hadn't understood it!" exclaimed Marshall "AHAHHAH"

"EHEHEHEH" Everest followed him

"AHAHHAHA"

"EHEHEHEH"

"AHAHAHAH"

"EHEH... why are we laughing?" asked the pupil

"Because I just wanna cry, you don't understand shit!" yelled Marshall, exasperated

"You're evil" said Everest

"Oh, thanks" Marshall thanked

"No, I mean really really bad, you're worse than Jersey Shore" commented the Husky

"You've compared me..." asked the Lord "To Jersey Shore?"

"Yes, exactly" exclaimed Everest "If there's something that really pisses me off, it's that shitty program" esclamò

"Aggressive..." thought Marshall, than he said "Everybody hate that mount of crap"

"But they're following making it" pointed out Everest

"So we'll destroy it... from the inside" commented the dally

"What do you mean?" asked the pupil

"We'll join the reality and we'll boycott it" explained Marshall "Are you in?"

"Fuck, yes!" exclaimed Everest, unsheating a fantastic evil laugh that left her teacher holding the bag.

[ Well, better late than never...

Wait, and Chase? ]

"Grrr" growled the German Shepherd

"Ehi, what's up?" asked him a man

"I'm angry" said him

"Do you wanna put this anger under contract?" asked the man "Just join my show: a luxury house, bitches with no brain, people that fight without sense, and 10000 dollars pro week"

"Interesting, I accept" said Chase

And I bet you've all understand where the pup was going to crawl into...


	4. Chapter 3

[ Here we are, guys! OMG, I'm thrilled...

Two fucking heroes will soon destroy the Jersey Shore! ]

"Got it, Marshall?" asked Everest "He called us "heroes"! Isn't it fantastic?"

"Fantastic like a kick in my nuts" commented the dally "I'm not a fucking hero, I'm Marshall, the Greatest Lord of..."

"And you're the one whose pupil is a pony-lover" remembered him Alex

Marshall started yelling, frustrated.

[ Ohi, bro! Chill out... ]

"Alex's contract didn't include another appearance" said Marshall "Just kick this baby out of this fiction"

[ Why? What are you going to do? ]

"I'll go on strike" said the Lord

[ Okokok. Alex, out! ]

"Uff, so susceptible..." commented Alex

[ Yes, Yes... Well, let's leave this situation and go back to the plot...

Marshall & Everest are assaulting Jersey Shore! ]

"Oh, lads..." said the man that had talked with Chase "What can I do for you?"

"To die, son of a bitch" suggested Marshall "You're not going to exasperate the world with another edition of this reality: well, this is our business..."

"What?" asked Everest

"What about joining it?" proposed the man

"Why should we accept?" asked the Lord

"A lot of money..." remembered the guy

"Where can I sign?" demanded Everest

"Such a greedy girl..." pensò Marshall, per poi dire "Well, I accept, too"

[ Sold... ]

"Well, I have enough contestants" said the bloke "Lest's start with the show"

[ With the pain in the ass, we can say... ]

"Ok, everybody's here" commented the man, observing the contestants: Marshall, Everest, Chase, a little white pup with a crown, a mixed breed, a Labrador, and a pup similar to Chase, but with black fur.

"What about rules?" asked Sylvia, the last one I nominated

"You must spend some months here fucking around like riches" explained the man

[ Maybe like BITches... ]

"Who wins?" demanded Everest

"Boh" said the bloke "Maybe the one that survives..."

"I knew that wasn't fair" said the Husky, moving around the house "What a shitty program, luckily me and Marshall are going to boycott it..."

"To boycott the reality? Ahahahah" laughed Marshall, not loudly "I would be nice, but it means saving the world from boring things, and I'm not a hero, so I'll let the show continue, so everybody will agonize..."

[ NOOOOO, MONSTER!

But this is a fantastic evil plan, bravo! ]

"Thanks" said the Dalmatian

The contestants, left alone, stared to expose their points of view: "I never make a bond with somebody, but luckily I can chat with my..." started Sweetie, the white pup

"Oh yes, another rule" said the man "You can't keep your tags on"

"Are you fucking kidding us!?" yelled Sweetie

"No, no" thought Chase "How can I resist without S?"

In that moment his mind collapsed: to be six, seven months without her, the only one he could love...

That tag, that fucking tag was the only way to save himself. Not using it was like losing his head.

What would he do? How could he behave without her? Terrible questions crossed his brain's surface.

No, he had to stay strong: he had entered that world made of cameras and gossip... for money, the thing that moves everything.

That gold would have been his turn of events: he finally would have lived like the great assholes that rule this Earth.

He had to wait, and also S.

"Wait for S" thought the German Shepherd "Be patient..."

Sweetie looked at him in a strange way: "What do you have, baby?" asked Rocky, the mixed breed "Do you miss home?"

"Uff" whispered her

"Look, do you wanna increase the ratings of this show with me?" asked Rocky

[ Basically he asked her to fuck, husty boy... ]

Sweetie throw up on the floor.

[ The little queen didn't like the proposal... ]

Chase looked around him, disgusted: what the hell?!

Junk people, that escaped home without respect for themselves and the other ones...

That pup, with a crown on her head, that thought she was the best one: it was the perfect example of girl that he hated.

S would have surely hated such a look.

Chase asked himself if he could manage it.

To stay with those people, could he do that?

It wasn't surely his ideal place, but actually he had never found one...

Ironically, S was just inside the group, and he couldn't know it...

She had recognized him, but she hadn't stepped forward.

"Ehi, Marshall, when will we start the coup d'etate?" demanded Everest

"Give it some time, Siberia" said Marshall "Counting the fact that is a shitty reality that anybody watches, share will go down and the show will close"

"Wow, how many morons are watching us from home?" asked the Husky

[ Just 20 million people pro episode... ]

"Let's sabotage this shit" decided the duo, together

[ Definitely... ]


End file.
